Friday, 15 March 2013

Becoming Supermom

There are things you plan for when you are expecting your first baby. You plan for late nights, less sleep, crying, pushing through nursing issues. I knew to expect challenges, and you just kinda get through it, right?

But when you hear something could be wrong with your baby. It stops you in your tracks. You try to catch your breath. But it's not there. I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders this week. I have been scared to type these words. But then I thought, if any other moms find themselves in my scary shoes, I hope somehow this will make you feel not so alone...

On Friday, I asked our pediatrician to take a look at a scratch on Reese's cheek that was being stubborn. It hasn't gone away in a few weeks, and I was thinking it might be some stubborn baby acne. It turned out to be much worse. My baby has a hemangioma. And when you hear your baby has something you can't pronounce, the room spins. Your heart stops. Your entire being from head to toe... aches.

The doctor tried to reassure me that these were not terribly uncommon, but can be problematic, especially when on the face. It is the start of a benign tumor, that may grow, and may not. They go through their most aggressive growth during the first year. They spread out, or fill out, and could be the size of a pea, the size of a quarter, or scary enough, the size of a golf ball. And eventually they shrink and start going away. It is the size of a freckle right now, but we are to watch it carefully, for aggressive growth.
And do you know what I took from that? Tumor. Baby's face. Problematic. And I died inside.

All weekend, I cried. I held my baby, looked at her beautiful face and tried not to imagine it changing. Tried not to picture what she would look like her in first birthday pictures, or at play dates when she doesn't look like all the other kids. I tried not to imagine myself trying to ignore the whispers or side glances I might get when pushing her around Target.

And truthfully, there isn't one thing that could make me love her less, or find her less beautiful. In fact, I love her that much more. But we live in such a cruel and unkind world. I hate this for her. I wish I could take it away from her. 

So I let myself be sad. I gave myself those days to mourn this diagnosis. And now I have to stop. Because what my daughter needs is a rock. She needs a mother to fight for her, to be her voice. She needs a mother who is going to ignore the pediatrician's advice about waiting this year out. She needs a mother who is going to move mountains to get her to the best specialists and make sure we come up with a treatment plan.

The pediatrician gave us a referral to Emory Pediatric Group in Atlanta, who provide the best treatment in the state for hemangiomas. But he warned it may take months to get it. We prayed like we've never prayed before, crossed our fingers, legs and toes and made the call. We got in. We got in next week! God answers prayer, and he's here holding our hands as we go through this difficult time with our baby.

I can already breathe a small sigh of relief knowing we will have some answers. That our baby will be in good hands and we can come up with the best treatment plan available to her.

Please keep Reese, Brandon and I in your thoughts and prayers as we start this difficult process. Brandon really can't miss work so this mama is really going to have to keep it together, traveling hours away, staying in a hotel and getting through doctors appointments on my own. I will be away from the blog, but will update when we have news.

 Any advice on driving with a baby for that long? One who does not take a paci? Oh and Happy St. Patrick's Day loves!


  1. Thoughts and prayers are with you love. Seriously she is the most beautiful baby I googled the diagnoses and I cant see anything like that on her face anywhere! She will be amazing no matter what keep your head up

  2. I would never have seen anything in her pictures! She is so adorable, try not to stress too much if possible.. Does Reese have a sleep sheep for her carseat? It's the only way that Christian will remain calm in the car! Maybe travel during her nap times so she sleeps? I am sorry that you guys are going through this and I am sending tons of love and prayers your way!

  3. So sorry you all have to go through this. What a tough thing to deal with on your own. I'm less than two hours from Atlanta. Let me know if I can help.

  4. Praying for you and your family! God is in control! Romans 8:28

  5. omy gawsh!! that skirt is so PRECIOUS seriously so cute.

  6. Thinking about you and sending you love and prayer. Reese is a sweet angel! And you're one amazing mama.

  7. Little Reese is in my prayers. Advice for car ride s to feed her right before you go. She may cry a little bit but the car will hopefully put her to sleep. I loved a toy bar for the carseat and a back seat mirror.

  8. Just wanted to let you know that the pediatrician mentioned that Lennon might have the same thing on his abdomen. I'm supposed to monitor the area for a week and then he has a follow-up appointment and we go from there. I know what you mean though when you say your whole body aches. The doctor said "I wouldn't worry about it!" I feel like I'm going to puke. Thought it would make you feel better though to know that it's probably more common than we think and hopefully everything turns out ok!