Thursday, 29 August 2013

The Awkward Moment of Making Mom Friends


"Wanna hang out sometime?"

Why is that like the most awkward thing to blurt out to another adult? I swear making friends as a grown up, as a mom, is the hardest thing in the world. Sure, if you are one of those people who are surrounded by friends you think I am being dramatic, but I am not.

Maybe you left college with all your friends and ended up in the same town, or maybe you made friends at work, or moved into a great neighborhood where people embraced you from the moment they saw your U-Haul pull into the driveway. Maybe you moved back to your hometown and picked back up with old friends. Well. I hate you.

When I left college, I moved to Orlando with a bunch of girlfriends and had plans almost every night of the week. I'd spend weekends in Tampa with Brandon. My social life was good. Great, even. But now I find myself in a new state, a new city, as a mom, an no one to call for coffee, or a gym date, or to watch The Bachelor with! And it sucks!

This is not a pity party. This is for the other adult women who feel the exact same way. You don't have to be a mom to feel it. A lot of us go through the growing pains of leaving college, getting a job and having to start over socially. And it can feel painfully awkward to try and make friends again. But more so if you are a mom.

Other ladies have complained of losing friends when they become a mother. And maybe that is worse. You are actually still in the same city co-existing with all of your friends who are getting coffee, meeting for pedicures, and having wine after work, and you are no longer invited, because your new priority is waking you up at 1am, and 4am and demanding your attention all day.

We have been in Georgia for over a year. No family within hours and hours (like 12). I am a stay-at-home mom. My husband is a "boss" figure at work. People aren't asking us to hang out. We don't get invited to barbeques or double dates. So we haven't really met anyone. For a whole year, we have been hoping for a job transfer, that we could move away and start over somewhere else. We have prayed about it. And until recently, I have been ignoring God's answer. That I need to stop waiting for our lives to begin somewhere else, and make the most of life here, like it or not.

I know what you are thinking. Why don't you go join one of those Mom groups? Sign Reese up for classes? This is a small town. Small, as in, most people around here went to HS together, never left for college, and thought it was the biggest news ever when an Olive Garden came to town.

But we are trying. Because I need Reese to grow up playing with others and sharing, and scraping knees, and laughing, and begging for sleepovers. I don't know God's plan for us here. But I'm tired of waiting to have a life. We decided to start visiting lots of other churches. Even if we aren't Baptist, Methodist or whatever. We live in the Bible belt of the south, by the way. Brandon even invited himself to play on someone's basketball league. I found a music class for Reese that is just starting up. And maybe I will even start my own MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers group) here if I have to.

So I am off to scare people with my charm and wit. I will be trying not to come on too strong or too quickly, all the while singing, Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe...  Because making adult friends suddenly feels a lot like dating again.


Disclaimer: I have a decent handful of great friends scattered all over this country, even a BFF or two. Even a few blogger friends whom I adore. So don't feel too bad for me.  :)

24 comments:

  1. You are not alone!!!! But don't give up, and keep putting yourself out there. Go to the mommy group, and keep making efforts. Good luck!

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  2. Thanks for the honesty - and I can totally relate. It is super hard and awkward trying to make new friends as adults - not sure why that is? But good for you for stepping out and taking chances. I like what you said about having to stop waiting for life to begin somewhere else and make the best of where you are right now....to "bloom where you're planted". Hope you find some connections that work for you...and if I was in Georgia I'd call you up for coffee! :) God bless!!

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    1. "To bloom where you are planted" is such a beautiful saying. It's hard to do sometimes! Thank you for the kind words, I'd love to take you up on a coffee date!

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  3. Making new friends SUCKS. I'm from a small town, and it's pretty clicky. So everyone already knows everyone else, etc. It's lonely sometimes, and I hate it. I've been trying to find ways to meet some other moms, but it's not happening. :(

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    1. That is how I feel also. Small towns kind of suck! I always wish we lived in a bigger city that had more to do and more opportunities to meet people.

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  4. I hear ya girl. I just started making friends here and we've lived here for two years...and now we have to move again. I get to go be the awkward American in England haha. Good for you to take initiative! Where at in GA are you? I have family there!

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    1. People love American accents in England! Lol they will love you! Where in England? I have a friend in Norwich that is getting ready to have her first baby.
      We live in Albany. Southwest GA .. About an hour and a half north of Tallahassee with very little going on!

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  5. Love your post! I feel the same way. It's definitely tough. Thanks for writing about it so honestly, and here's hoping we find our new ways soon!

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  6. Ha-ha love this! So glad someone finally wrote about it :) Why is it totally akward trying to make Mom friends without looking desperate!? I'll be your Momma friend lady, for real ;)

    Megan
    http://hellonewlywedlife.blogspot.com/

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    1. It looks terribly desperate lol i hate it. i wish my bloggy friends were "real life" friends!

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  7. I know exactly what you mean! All you want to do is have a friend, but for some reason it seems so hard to do. If only we lived in the same town we could get coffee and do other fun things ... or even just hang out and chat. We just moved and I am not looking forward to having to make all new friends. Hopefully we can find a good church soon and meet some other people and build relationships that way.

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    1. I wish we lived closer. It'd be nice to have a friend just to sit around and paint my toenails with. It's really hard putting yourself out there and hoping people "get you" in a way only friends do.

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    2. That would be so nice! I hope you are finding friends and have met someone you can just sit around with. I thought of you today when I was putting together my post for the Liebster Award. Maybe we can't be real-life friends, but I thought this was fun :)

      http://mydeliciousadventure.blogspot.com/2013/09/a-little-liebster-award.html

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  8. I feel the same way! After wishing and hoping we wouldn't be in our town long term... it looks as if we would be crazy to move. So I finally had to come out of denial and realize this is where we are supposed to be for a while. Sigh. You're right it is so awkward but has to be done! Good luck! : )

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  9. Oh man, definitely know what you mean! It's hard to 'break in' to mom groups! Everybody seems established in their social groups by the time they have kids so it can be so hard. Sounds like you're doing everything you can though! Hang in there!

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  10. Hey - I know I haven't been following you that long, but the more I read on your blog, the more I like you and find that we seem to have lots in common! :) So I nominated you for a Liebster Award (not sure if you've had one already), check out my post today to accept it if you want. Happy Friday! :)

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  11. It really is hard. I've moved a lot so I know what exactly what your talking about. At least blogging keeps you somewhat social, but it's not always the same as having someone to do something with in person, and then there is the whole clicking factor.

    I'm your newest follower via bloglovin.

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  12. I could have written this exactly. I just moved 30 hours away from all my family about a month ago when my son was 11 months. I go to classes and such with my son, but everyone is very stand-offish (maybe I just think they are) to me, so I don't try to converse with them often. I never know what to say as well and I guess I fear rejection, so I just stick to the very small talk and be on my way.

    Let me know if you find a magic potion to make friends, I could definitely use some!
    New bloglovin follower :)

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    1. It is so hard! I don't have any magic potion, it feels like high school all over again trying to be part of a group. My only advice , be yourself and invite them to do something, even just for coffee or to a park with the kids. Next time, they may return the favor and invite you somewhere. :) hang in there

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  13. I hear ya girl! The thing is I am back in my hometown now, but all of my friends are still enjoying single life and dont wanna do the mom thing yet. I am always on the search for mommy friends..feels so desperate lol. Too bad we don't live closer, our girls are just a week apart. :(

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    1. That would be so fun. Not sure where you are exactly, but I grew up in NY. All my family is still there. It is hard to hang out with my single friends now that our priorities are so different.

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  14. Making adult friends is SO hard, especially in an area where people are already close. Trying different churches is a great idea, or have you looked for Mother's Morning Out programs in the area? You could send Reese for a morning and it allows you to meet some people too.

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  15. I can totally relate, Megan! It's so hard to make new friends in a new (small) town as a mom. Somehow it's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this....and maybe someday it will get better!

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  16. Oh, wow... can I relate to this! My husband and I moved to Africa last year and found out we were pregnant a within a few months of being here! Now here I am, a SAHM to my 4 month old daughter, oceans away from all my friends and family. Most of my friends here are single ladies who work. It was so much easier to get close to people in high school and college when you had slumber parties and shared all your deepest secrets :) now building friendships really takes time... One thing God has taught me through it all is that HE is the only one who can truly satisfy me. Good to hear I'm not the only one who struggles with this :) - Lizzy
    www.lizzygraykitchens.com/blog

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